I was flipping through the “sex tips for women” section of a popular magazine when it hit me.
Lose 10 pounds…
Wear this lipstick…
Buy this lingerie…
Try this position upside down with your legs hanging in the air…
Who on earth are the men or women writing these things!
The sex tips that we read promise to teach us how to own our power in bed but in fact, end up doing just the opposite. I noticed the lack of timeless advice, and just how repetitious and superficial the sex advice columns for women are.
Try it right now… Pick up any women’s magazine and turn to the page offering sex advice on how to be good in bed as a woman and I’m sure you’ll notice it too.
Granted, some of these are good sex tricks that may actually add extra spice to the things that happen beneath, above, or entangled in the sheets. The keyword here; however, is extra.
Let me paint a picture:
Imagine that you have decided to cook yourself a big, delicious pot of pasta. You boil up some water and then proceed to add sauce, cream and seasoning to another pan. Then you mix it all together, turn the heat off and plate your nice, delicious dish.
Ridiculous, right? Where is the pasta?
EXACTLY!
Most of the sex tips for women you find around these days work like seasoning to a meal. In essence, they only work if you already have a healthy libido stewing in the pot. That shade of lipstick, sexy lingerie, and new position will not make any lasting change if you don’t have a healthy sex drive in the first place. They are at best temporary, and will lead you into a timeless loop of chasing after the next lipstick, the next position or lingerie. But hey! Maybe that’s exactly what they want.
Here are 7 solid reasons why most sex tips for women in mainstream media suck.
1. Too Repetitive
Pick up an edition of your favorite women’s magazine and I bet my sweet little sunshine that they will offer similar advice.
Try this technique.
Pop these weightloss pills.
Use this ointment.
Light some candles.
Wear something sexy.
Puhleease!
I would like to make a note that it is all not complete bs; these tips do help. Nevertheless, it is just spice to a healthy libido and good self-esteem.
2. Too Technical
Slide two fingers down his crotch. Massage slowly but firmly, then move your index finger 1.5 degrees north of his frenulum…
No, not there! I said 1.5, not 1.4 and a half!
Okay! That’s being sarcastic; nevertheless, sex advice these days can sound a lot like manual instructions on how to fix a truck.
Sex is natural, sex is human. It should happen as naturally as eating or taking a shit. When the sex tips for women that we find tell us to fondle his balls for 5 minutes while sucking him off doing a headstand, there’s a chance that it just might take the spontaneous creativity out of the whole affair.
3. Plummeting Results
As mentioned, these moves may get you feeling like Marilyn Munroe for a night but the results are often fleeting because it does not address the root of the problem.
4. Half of it Simply doesn’t Work!
I came across sex advice in a very popular women’s magazine (🤐) once. The article was titled “3 Surefire Ways to an Explosive Orgasm for Him and Her.” Okay… interesting.
I flipped through the pages expectantly and detailed in there were instructions to keep your man up and immobile inside you for exactly 30 minutes, after which they swore heaven and earth that your bodies would spontaneously erupt into the wildest orgasms you both have ever experienced. The thought seemed exciting to me at that time but thinking back on it now, all I can say is B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.
First of all, how do you put sex on a stopwatch? Second, WHAT?
Years later when I began experimenting with sex, I tried it out with my boyfriend.
“Just stay up and don’t move,” I say. He nods and after a few still seconds, begins to move slightly.
Lol, no way! Up and immobile, silly!
Two minutes pass and then five. We lay there in awkward silence, him occasionally trying to sneak a little thrust.
Okay, how long until this starts feeling good?
Each agonizing second passes and I feel he’s beginning to get limp (again!) so in a bid to act like I knew what the effff I was doing (because it was my idea in the first place, anyway), I begin to clench my pelvic muscles. As if that is not bad enough😩, he looks up at me and says “babe, are you doing that yourself? 😩😩😩😩😩. Ahh, God! The embarrassment!😂
3. Too much Focus on Achieving Orgasm
Ask me, your grandma, and practically any other woman who has had an orgasm, orgasms are great! Sex, however, is both a means to an end and an end in itself.
If you are too focused on the end, you’ll never get there. If you are too fixated on achieving orgasm, you’ll most likely never get there. Why? Because you will either completely be zoned out or be putting yourself under performance pressure instead of focusing on the each and every little sensation you feel. (I have a neat little trick for refocusing a wandering mind during sex, tell me if you want to know about it on Instagram.)
I also see some sex advice columns teaching how to achieve performative orgasms by squirting like they see women do in the porno videos. Wrong. We should teach women how to accept and enjoy guilt-free pleasure, that way, they’ll reach climax effortlessly; squirter or not.
6. Much too Focused on the External
Lingerie, whips, and the Kama Sutra are great, but they’re much too external. Sex is a natural human activity, it comes from something deeper than whips and handcuffs. Putting too much focus on external redundancies disconnects us from the true source of our sexuality.
7. Too much Focus on Pleasing the Man
Sex tips for women are often centered around pleasing the man, even if it is only implied subtly. A lot of the stuff you see about how to be good in bed as a woman will tell you that doing what they say will “keep your man from straying,” or “make him love you more.” What happened to pleasure for the sake of itself and for the sake of enjoying and exploring the other?
Since when has sex become a thing that we give in exchange for loyalty or worthiness? No thanks.
What Now?
I have one piece of advice: examine what you really think about sex and yourself. Pull out the mental file in your head titled “sex” and take a deep look at what is really in there. Do these things empower you? Do they make you feel good about yourself? What do you really think about yourself? Why do you have sex?
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Read more posts like this:
Why are Women less Sexual than Men?
If you’re a human being on God’s internet, you most certainly have come across a man complaining about how “my wife is never in the mood ” or perhaps across a woman asking some sex guru why she doesn’t enjoy sex as
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