Why are Women less sexual than Men?

why are women less sexual than men

If you are a human being living on Gods’ earth, then you most certainly have come across men complaining about the typical “my wife is never in the mood anymore” problem, or perhaps across a woman asking some sex guru “why don’t I enjoy penetrative sex?”

This leads me to my question: who is more sexually active, male or female? Additionally, why is there a conception that women, by nature, are blessed with a lower sexual appetite than their male partners? Study after study and story after story of real-life situations and couples also seem to prove this. Rarely do we hear about men who complain that they cannot keep up with their woman’s sexual appetite; conversely, we definitely cannot say the same about women.

Closely linked to this reality is the underlying belief that women (who are often portrayed as paradigms of morality and pillars of the next generation), ought to guard their sexuality jealously. This belief is manifested through both imitated and instilled gender roles and societal expectations, and in my opinion, is the major reason behind the stereotype of the less sexual female.

What is the stereotype of the less sexual female?

the less sexual female- shame

Stereotypes derive their power by first creating a general notion. When this notion gains popularity, people gradually begin to take it as fact. When people include that notion into their belief system, they unconsciously begin to act in ways that reinforce it, thereby, creating a reality. Society then points to that constructed reality as evidence of the stereotype’s truth.

For example, if there is a general notion in a community that members of a certain family are always poor, even new children born into that family are more than likely to continue that habit of poverty (I call it a habit, and not a curse or a reality because it is enforced by beliefs), because once they believe that about themselves, they will both knowingly and unknowingly act in ways that keep them poor (e.g being spend-thrifty, not making any investments, having lack at the forefront of their subconscious minds, etc.) Society will then point at that reality that was created out of the belief system and say: “See? We told you they are “naturally” poor people.”

Louis Tyson puts it better in her book Critical Theory Today when she says:

” Patriarchy continually exerts forces that undermine women’s self-confidence and assertiveness; a good example of which is the suppression of her libido. It then points to the absence of these qualities as proof that women are naturally, and therefore correctly self-effacing and submissive.”

 Wow.

What this means is that the idea we have of the less sexual female is nothing more than this: an idea. And it has only become reality because the majority of people have dared to believe it, thereby enforcing it.  

Below are four concrete reasons why women appear to be less sexual than men.

1. Gendered Socialization

It is a common misconception that sex is the same as gender. Sex is the biological body form an individual or organism is born with, while gender is the learned behaviors associated with that sex, often resulting from concepts of what masculinity and femininity are in whatever culture and time they are born into.

Studies reveal that by the age of three, children have already learned to differentiate and exhibit the qualities that society has tagged peculiar to their gender. What this means is that a 3-year-old girl is more likely to want a doll than a toy gun; thus, society will point to this and say that girls are naturally nurturing. This cannot be further from the truth, as she does not make that choice because she was born that way, but rather because she has learned to be that way.

But how?

According to The American Psychology Association, gender studies reveal that children are most likely to copy people who they observe are the same gender as them (known as ‘same gender models’). Thus, your niece is choosing a doll baby over a gun because she has observed mommy tending to her little sibling, or because she has witnessed countless women do the same on TV, at the grocery store, and practically every other place she’s been. Your nephew, on the other hand, is choosing a water gun because he has watched Spiderman and because he has observed the countless number of male law enforcement officers (and the fewer female ones) on the streets and in the movies.

In gendered socialization, girls are groomed to be less sexually expressive than boys are (sit “properly,” cover your legs, lower your eyes). Even though boys may not be outrightly encouraged to express their sexuality, they are not outrightly discouraged from it as girls are. This act of repressing one’s sexuality while encouraging the other creates a double standard, leading to a biased reality.

2. Society’s impossible beauty standards

You must have perky tits, shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, and walk in excruciating 6-inch heels, all just to appear more appealing to the opposite sex.

One of the major causes of low libido in females is the obnoxious standards of bodily perfection that society has made us believe we have to aspire to.

Let me be the first to tell you: sex sells, and the female body is the most sexualized image used in modern advertising. The competitive and male-dominated world of advertising and consumerism promotes increasingly unrealistic images of female beauty and sex appeal. Such images are often heavily photoshopped, simply a mental construct born in the minds of hyper-sexual males, and an advertisement agenda, fueled by an irrational male sexual fantasy and employed to arouse the same.

An almost instant treatment for low libido in females, and a guaranteed way to reduce your woman’s inhibitions in bed would be to simply put society’s bodily standards where they belong: in the trash. 

3. The Virginity trend

Can we really call this a trend anymore since it has been around for a couple of thousand years?

Hmm.

Well, the virginity trend teaches us that “good girls” (which in society’s definition means girls who abstain from sex) will be rewarded with marriage to a man who loves and respects them. “Bad girls,” on the other hand, who let men ‘use’ them will end up sad, alone, depleted; and abandoned (probably because they would have had so many abortions that their wombs would be damaged, as society would like to have us believe, having been prodded like a voodoo doll).

How many times did we consciously or subconsciously have this message reinforced to us?

I remember taking a virginity oath in church before I was 10, and what puzzles me now when I look back is why it was only us little girls that were called up to the altar. No single boy took a ‘virginity oath’ that day. Why?

The virginity trend (and the good girl – bad girl ideology it ensures) reduces a woman’s perceived value in society to the state of affairs between her thighs, thus making her subconsciously act in ways that are less sexually expressive, in order to be considered ‘valuable.’ (comment “YES” if you would like me to do a post about the origin of the virginity trend). This curbs a woman’s sexuality in unimaginable ways and is one of the causes of low libido in females.

4. Environment and mainstream media

The environment has a huge role to play in a child’s psychosexual development. The world is a highly gendered place, and children are likely to aspire to what they observe most people of the same sex do.

For example, if a girl observes that most of the same gender models around her are housewives and mothers, she too is very likely to grow up yearning for marriage and displaying qualities associated with motherhood. Thus, if girls grow up observing that it is expected for females to ‘guard’ their sexuality, they too are most likely to grow up being sexually repressed.

 In addition to the environment of upbringing, media and the culture of fairytales do nothing to encourage female agency, but rather actually suppress it.

 In fairytales, females are often portrayed as being passive, nurturing, and “innocent.” They are then acted upon by the external force of the male (the princesses or damsel in distress syndrome), making young girls all around the world believe that they are to be ‘saved’ and possessed by a man. These stereotypes also contribute to the reality of the sexually passive female who always waits to be acted upon by the male.

In a nutshell…

It is my desire that this piece has shed some light on why you or someone you know acts the way you/they do.

The next time someone brings up the “women are less sexual than men” bullshit talk, shut them up by pulling up this article (bookmark it specially for this purpose, I’m not kidding), and letting them know that women are the only female creatures on Earth blessed with year-round sexual arousal, a teeny little organ exclusively for their sexual pleasure (drop a wink emoji down below if you know what I’m talking about), and with the ability to orgasm again and again and again in just one round of sex.

Was this post interesting? Insightful?

Help your friends find it too by using the share buttons below, or subscribe to join our mailing list for exclusive scoops and offers (it’s completely free).  

Read more posts like this:

Related
7 reasons why Sex Tips for Women suck

7 reasons why Sex Tips for Women suck!

I flipped through a women’s health magazine in search any knowledge I could find about how to be more active in bed as a woman and that was then it hit me like a brick to the face! Sex tips for girls promise to teach women how…

Comments

What do you think?

Follow

This error message is only visible to WordPress admins

Error: No feed found.

Please go to the Instagram Feed settings page to create a feed.