The sexual revolution originated around the 1960s, primarily in western countries before spreading to the rest of the world. Its goal was the destruction of traditional sexual and gender-based values, and the primary image championed by this movement is that of the sexually liberated woman, which by itself is an amazing ides. I mean, I actually friggin’ LOVE the idea of a world where women are in touch with themselves and their bodies, however, as we will eventually come to see, the mainstream sexual revolution (keyword here is mainstream), has a very interesting idea of what it means to be sexually liberated. Our goal here is to examine that.

Before we get started, I’ll ask that you keep an open mind. I’m not here to try to change your mind or even to challenge your views. All I ask is that you come with an open mind so that we may examine the facts and hopefully, find the highest truth.

On that account, it might be important to mention that you should take what resonates with you and leave out what doesn’t.

Deal? Let’s begin.

What Does it Mean to be Sexually Liberated according to the Mainstream Sexual Revolution?

First, a little backstory is necessary.

I grew up in what you would call an orthodox Christian home, where sex outside the confines of marriage was simply labelled bad. It was drilled deep into my psyche, even before I actually knew what sex was, that sex was a potentially degrading act that was tied closely to my value as a human being. I was taught that engaging in sexual activity would cause a man to lose all love, value, and respect for me, except on that one condition that he was married to me.

The (majorly female) adults in my childhood who propagated this idea didn’t necessarily mean any harm. In fact, one may argue that they were telling me what they thought was the truth in an attempt to keep me safe. Nevertheless, it didn’t help much either.

This doctrine, essentially bred unnecessary body shame and negative self-consciousness; a situation where you delicately carried your body around like it was something to be hidden and to be ashamed of. It also left me feeling like my body was a thing that existed for the purpose of another person’s approval, love, and consumption. I hated this. I knew the truth couldn’t possibly leave me feeling this way, so I rebelled.

When I rebelled, I found comfort in the arms of the very popular mainstream sexual liberation movement. This movement preached that men are meant to be used the same way they use us, that my femininity was something that was forced on me in childhood (and yes, while many feminine attributes are learned, many more are innate), and that even though my own femininity was something forced on me, a person of the opposite sex exhibiting similar attributes is definitely a woman.

It told me that marriage was designed to disadvantage me (and yes, even though in many ways, marriage does disadvantage women, marriage actually empowers the conscious woman and the psychology behind why marriage disadvantages some women is way more complicated than spreading the simple untruth that marriage was designed to disadvantage women). It taught us that sex is casual and can be used purely for pleasure. It told me that I am a victim (and even though in many ways, women are victimized, I hate how the sexual revolution tends to train women to expect to be disadvantaged.

The sexual revolution tells women that to be empowered, they have to become what a man is perceived to be: economically powerful and emotionally apathetic.

Here’s what I’ve come to understand the sexual revolution means when they talk about a sexually liberated woman:

1. I will lie, cheat, manipulate and deceive; this, after all is what men do.
2. The only person I need is me (in many ways, this is true, and in many other ways, it is not).
3. Motherhood is a trap (and it’s totally okay if you truly wish to be child-free, nevertheless, you should ask yourself why).
4. Ewwww. Feelings.
5. Men are objects. They should be objectified as much as they objectify us.
6. The more self-preserving I am, the more powerful I will feel.
7. Sexual empowerment means the goal is to have as many partners as possible.

If you will take a step back and observe this list with me, it becomes quite obvious that the sexual revolution’s primary goal is to employ the same phallocentric tactics that women have complained about since the beginning of time in the so-called empowerment of women. Read any woke blog addressing female empowerment, or take a listen to any of the popular female-championed podcasts floating around and you’ll observe this trend.

Mark my words; it will NEVER work.

Taking patriarchal values and feminizing them will only ensure that this flawed system of power-hunger, self-preservation, and oppression never dies. Patriarchy is rooted in fear-based self-preservation usually masked as self-importance and carried out at the expense of others. It is entrenched in “not-enough-ness,” and in the endless need to prove one’s self; to be something. Sadly, I see so many unsuspecting women wearing this hat today and mistaking it for empowerment.

The problem with the Sexual Revolution

First and foremost, I find the conference of patriarchal values upon women to be horribly debasing because it suggests that what we are is not enough. It suggests that our miraculous ability to connect with Earth, sniff out the truth (aka, be intuitive), menstruate, birth, and nurse life if we choose to (while we still kick ass at algebra) is somehow this unfair punishment nature has cast upon us. It suggests that what we are as it is is not worthy of respect, and that to be respectable, we have to somehow abandon what we have known as the traditional markings of femininity and embrace capitalist culture (which we all know is an offshoot of patriarchy).

The sexual revolution and the image of the sexually liberated woman it champions now teaches women to measure our value based on:

1. What we “bring to the table.”
2. How non-conforming we can be.
3. How much we can renounce traditionally feminine roles and values.
4. How much we can embrace traditionally masculine roles and values.

Do you see it? How horribly we have been played?

It’s counterintuitive because women are still being trained to overcompensate, just in a different way. What’s even worse is that the ways we are often trying so hard to fit into a world is so antithetical to our innate nature.

The sexual revolution has had the most devastating impact on women’s bodies. We are not built for the constant strain of hustle culture, we have cycles that affect our bodies and hormones differently at different times. Our nature demands that we honor our bodies and honor rest, but toxic hustle culture which is an innate part of the sexual revolution denies us that privilege because what a man can do, a woman needs to prove she can also do. The result? We are the most depressed generation raising equally depressed children. Reproductive issues (and consequently mental health issues, as it is scientifically proven that estrogen plays a major role in your brain’s function) run rampant, and even the birth control pill, which is often acclaimed as the Holy Grail of the sexual revolution, has caused devastating effects to women’s long and short-term health. Additionally, since there hasn’t been an equal integration of men into the Homefront as there has been of women into the Workfront, we’ve been played into playing both daddy and mommy, while the man gets to be just daddy in many situations.

At the root of a majority of mainstream women empowerment movements, I sense a deep self-hatred encased in a cocoon of shame; a sense of not enough-ness, and a tragic penis envy. This deep longing to disassociate from femininity can only be caused by fear, feelings of unsafety, self-hatred, and shame born out of generations of trauma. While the trauma is absolutely valid, adopting the tactics of the system that oppressed you will not heal you. Do what you must to heal, but you’d end up disliking yourself if you become just like the person you criticize. 

In conclusion, I ask, is the sexual revolution really liberating us? Or is it, in reality just giving us another image to conform to?

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