Why I renounced the “Sexual revolution”

sexual revolution

The sexual revolution originated around the 1960s, primarily in western countries before spreading to the rest of the world. Its goal was the destruction of traditional sexual and gender-based values (which it classified as restrictive), and the primary image championed by this movement is that of “the sexually liberated woman,” which doesn’t half sound like a bad idea, I mean, I actually friggin’ LOVE the idea of a world where women are in touch with themselves, however, as we will come to understand as we read on, the sexual revolution has a very interesting idea of what it means to be “sexually liberated.” Our goal here is to examine that.

Before we get started, I’ll ask that you keep an open mind. If you champion the message of the sexual revolution, I’m not here to try to change your mind or even to challenge your views. All I ask is that for the sake of finding the highest reason, you come with an open mind so that you may see this post as it is. Take what resonates with you and eave out what doesn’t.

Deal? Let’s begin.

What does it mean to be Sexually Liberated according to the Sexual Revolution?

First, a little backstory is necessary.

I grew up in what you would call an orthodox Christian home, where the standard for us girls was to exchange sex (or rather the hoarding of it) for a man’s love and respect. It was drilled deep into my psyche, even before I actually knew what sex was, that sex was a potentially degrading act that was tied closely to my value as a human being. I was taught that engaging in sexual activity would cause a man to lose all love, value, and respect for me, except on that one condition that he was married to me.

While the adults (majorly female) in my childhood who propagated this idea didn’t necessarily mean any harm (in fact, one may argue that they were telling me what they thought was the truth in a bid to keep me safe), it didn’t help much either.

This doctrine essentially bred a lot of unnecessary body shame and self-consciousness. It also left me feeling like my body was a commodity that existed for the purpose of another person’s approval and consumption. I hated this; I knew the truth couldn’t possibly leave me feeling this way, so I rebelled, and boy oh boy, did I rebel hard.

When I rebelled, I found comfort in the arms of the very popular sexual liberation movement on the internet and on social media. This movement told me that feelings were a switch I could turn on or off, that my femininity was something that was forced on me in childhood (and yes, while many feminine attributes are learned, some are innate. You cannot package what a woman is and sell it in a bottle because it is innate), that love was restricting (or overrated at best), that marriage was designed to disadvantage me (and in manyways, marriage does disadvantage women, but the psychology behind that is way more complicated than the simple untruth that marriage was designed to disadvantage women), that sex was purely for pleasure, that I was a victim (and in many ways, women are victimized, but I hate that the sexual revolution weaponizes that position of victimhood, trains women to expect to be disadvantaged, and to forever remain in that position of victimhood because it gives them a common “cause” fo fight for), and that to be “empowered,” I had to somehow become what a man was: economically powerful and emotionally apathetic.

Here’s what I’ve come to understand the sexual revolution means when they talk about a sexually liberated woman:

  1. Me me me me me. Everything is about me, and the only person I should care about is myself.
  2. The only person I need is me (in many ways, this is true, and in many other ways, it is not).
  3. Motherhood is a trap.
  4. Ewwww. Feelings.
  5. Men are objects. They should be objectified as much as they objectify us.
  6. The more I can be a player, a non-committer, and a heartbreaker (in many ways, just like what I think a man is), the more powerful I will feel.
  7. Love is creepy. Vulnerability is for the weak, and I am a strong woman, remember? (I’m increasingly beginning to hate the phrase “strong woman.”)

If you will take a step back and observe this list with me, it becomes quite obvious that the sexual revolution’s primary goal is to employ the same tactics that women have complained about since the beginning of time (men are selfish, they objectify us, etc) in the so-called empowerment of women. Read any woke blog addressing female sexuality, or take a listen to any of the popular sexuality podcasts floating around and you’ll observe this trend. It can NEVER work, because the problem was never the men, the problem was always the rotten belief system of patriarchy that corrupted them. There are still many wonderful men out there who don’t subscribe to patriarchal values.

Thus, taking patriarchal values and feminizing them will only ensure that this flawed system of power-hunger and oppression never dies. Patriarchy is rooted in fear-based self-preservation (usually masked as self-importance or self-esteem and carried out at the expense of others), in “not-enoughness,” and in the endless need to prove one’s self. Sadly, I see so many women wearing this hat today and calling it empowerment.

The 3 Ms…

With Eros Goddess being relatively new, you may think that I only began pushing taboo and blogging about sex and female sexuality recently, but this is not the case. I’ve been curious and blogging about sex and female sexuality for a total of 6 years now. This is my third website.

I like to think of my three websites as a representation of the phases I went through in the process of learning and unlearning things about myself, my body, my sexuality, and what it means to be a woman in general.

The first website was characterized mostly by the doctrine that had been handed down to me as a child. At this point, I wrote about wifehood and motherhood, and about what I believed was sage advice about how to “keep” a man. It deeply reflected how my greatest aspiration, at that time was marriage and being the “perfect wife.”

Next came the second phase. The second website launched 3 years after I stopped writing the first. During this phase, I was a sex-positive (I still very much am) and “sexually liberated” feminist.

I wrote brazen sex stories, glorified loveless sexual encounters, and championed the idea that women, like their male counterparts, should have plenty of meaningless sex simply because, why not?

While I still write steamy female-centric sex stories and strongly believe that many women are capable of having both good, bad, and mediocre sex without love involved (I am living proof of this), I now ask a very important, but often ignored question: okay, great. But why?

Why do I need the thrill of a new hook-up (and potential STI) to be a steady presence in my life? What do I need 50 guys on my chat timeline for? (I, for example, have observed that I prefer to have intimate, humorous, and nourishing conversations with just a few people.) Why do I have to always have my guard up, even when I’m in a relationship? Why do I have to have “options”? Why do I have to put my feelings on a tight leash? Why do I have to expect nothing? Why do I need to use sex in this way in order to feel powerful about myself? And more importantly, is this what I really want?

The “woke sexually liberated woman” phase started falling apart for me a little over a year ago when I was ghosted for 3 days by someone I was casually seeing. It put me on the receiving end of the equation for the first time.

Why would I ever want to make someone feel like this? I asked myself.

Long story short, that relationship didn’t survive the 3-day break and when I walked away, I began doing a lot of deep self-reflection. In my self-reflection, I found that despite my ability to have (and sometimes even enjoy) loveless sex, sex is never just sex and you always take something – positive or negative- from the encounter. I began, for the first time to notice that my body has its own unique intelligence that my mind, most of the time, could not logically understand, and this was the beginning of a game-changer for me.

I began to pay closer attention to my body and the signals it would give me. I began to de-code this seemingly complex language of my body and to recognize and respect when it was telling me what it truly needed, and what I really needed to do. All this was crowned, a few months later, when I met a new person.

I’ve met men, but this man was nothing like I’d met before then – a very masculine, self-aware, and tender man. That was a rare combination. We got talking (a lot), and while casually talking about kids one day, I revealed that I was strongly considering getting artificially inseminated and raising my child by myself, should I choose to become a parent. He paused and at that moment, he asked me one simple question that changed everything.

“Is that what you really want?” He asked with his usual tender intensity.

Something shifted. In all my years of embracing what I thought it meant to be an empowered woman, I had never asked myself this question. I moved the question around in my mind, would I rather raise my child alone, or would I rather do so with the input and support of a loving, self-aware, and equally dedicated partner who loved my baby as much as I did? The answer was clear. I had only chosen the former because I had been trained and traumatized into be self-reliance and the non-expectancy that my partner could actually be a wonderful person with wonderful intentions, and this darlings, was exactly the problem. It was also my first encounter with what it meant to be in my feminine (and yes, that may sound a little too woo-woo for you, but that’s ok).

The problem with the Sexual Revolution

First and foremost, I find the conference of patriarchal values upon women to be horribly debasing because it suggests that what I am (what we are as women) is not enough. It suggests that my miraculous ability to connect with Earth, to feel, be intuitive, menstruate, birth, and nurse life if I choose to (while I still beat your ass at algebra) is somehow this unfair punishment nature has cast upon me. It suggests that what I am (and whatever I choose to be) is not worthy of respect, and that to be respectable, I have to somehow abandon what we have known as the traditional markings of femininity and embrace capitalist culture (which we all know is an offshoot of patriarchy). Sheesh.

In essence, the sexual revolution said “we don’t want a woman’s value to be tied to her vagina anymore,” which is great! But what the sexual revolution failed to do is say “a woman is inherently valuable simply because she is, and simply because she is a woman.” Of course, value is a scalable asset which I believe should be scaled to the highest heights possible. However, a woman’s value as a woman exists simply because she is a woman and she understands the fact. She doesn’t have to prove anything.

On the contrary, the sexual revolution and the image of the sexually liberated woman it champions now teaches women to measure their value based on:

  1. What we “bring to the table.”
  2. How non-conforming, unusual, and enigmatic we can be. If your first impulse when presented with a new situation is to go the “cool, non-conforming” way, then you’re still stuck in an identity role: that of the non-conformist. Non-conformity is born out of the instinct to follow the leading of your soul, not out of the desire to not conform.
  3. How much we can renounce traditionally feminine roles and values.
  4. How much we can embrace traditionally masculine roles and values.

Do you see it? How horribly we have been played?

It’s counterintuitive because women are still being trained to overcompensate, just in a different way now. What’s even worse is that the ways we are being forced to fit into the world is so antithetical to our innate nature.

A female Manakin bird, for example, doesn’t go hunting and gathering to prove to the male that she is a valuable partner. She hunts and gathers because she needs/wants to, and if a boy Manakin bird wants to be a part of her life, what does she do? She sits back and watches him (and sometimes his friends) put up a cute little dance performance for her and try to impress her in a bid to prove to her that he is a valuable mate.

In humans, the ovum doesn’t try to compete with the other ova in the ovary or go chasing after the sperm in a bid to prove that it is a quality ovum. This theory of trying to “prove your worth” as a woman is antithetical to the nature of the feminine. The question of worthiness is never one that arises for the true, awakened feminine (and hey, I’m talking about a select few women here). Instead, it is she who confers worthiness.

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Secondly, the sexual revolution has had the most devastating impact on women’s bodies. We are not built for the constant strain of hustle culture. We have cycles that affect our bodies differently at different times, we cannot constantly be in “go mode.” Our nature demands that we honor our bodies and honor rest, but toxic hustle culture which is an innate part of the sexual revolution denies us that privilege because what a man can do, a woman needs to prove she can also do. The result? We are the most depressed generation raising equally depressed children. Reproductive issues (and consequently mental health issues, because yes, it is scientifically proven that estrogen does play a major role in your brain’s function as a woman) run rampant, and even the birth control pill, which is often acclaimed as the Holy Grail of the sexual revolution, has caused devastating effects to women’s long-term and short-term health.

(also since there hasnt been an equal integration of men in the himefront as there has been of women in the workfront, we’re kinda carrying double the weight now.

Apart from this, it is an empirical fact that human beings are social creatures by nature and that many women (and men alike) simply do not innately find satisfaction in having a new sexual partner every other day. Yes, it is thrilling, and it can be exciting, but thrill and excitement are two concepts completely separate from satisfaction and happiness.

At the root of a majority of the feminist and sexual revolution movement (I said a majority), I sense a deep self-hatred, a sense of “not-enoughness,” and a tragic penis envy. This deep longing to disassociate from femininity that many feminist women have can only be caused by a deep self-hatred born out of generations of trauma. While the trauma is absolutely valid, adopting the tactics of the system that oppressed you will not heal you. It’s a Band-Aid to a bullet wound; a temporary intoxication to distract you from what your true pain is and a detour on your healing journey.  

Additionally, I’ve made a common observation, which is that many women who are pushing taboo by actively participating in this sexual revolution are buying into the image of the sexually liberated woman only because it deviates from the norm, thus they think it makes them look “cool” (which quite funnily is still in hopes to appear more aloof, unusual, and enigmatic to the opposite sex). Sorry to break it to you, sis: you’re still a “pick me.” Wokeness just shrouded your need for attention and approval, and to get noticed (and picked) in garments of “empowerment” and “sexual liberation.”

The sexual revolution isn’t really liberating us, in reality, it is just giving us another ideal image to conform to, and we see this new image on social media and in glossy print every day.

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