1. You water yourself down to a level you think he’s comfortable with

Men think very differently from us women. That is why they start wars and dig 3000 meters into the ground to find shiny rocks to adorn a woman’s fingers and body. They are built for the external and the majority of men thrive on the thrill of a challenge. This is how they prove themselves, channel themselves into the external world, and enforce their identity.

There is a story of a who lady met the most amazing man. He took her on an all expense-paid holiday around the country, and couple of months later, he was willing to do it all over again. He gives the lady a blank slate this time and asks her to choose where she would like to go. The lady, remembering how much he exerted his pocket on the last holiday didn’t want to be a burden so guess what she did? Yup – she cut herself down into a size she thought he’d be comfortable with. Was he comfortable with it? Absolutely not.

Said lady goes ahead to pick the same places they visited before in the spirit of “not being too much.” Did it work? No. Bro was bored, couple was bored; relationship scattered.

He wanted a challenge. He wanted to see her interests and to enter into her world as it related to places she chose to visit. They broke up shortly after the second holiday.

A quality man wants a chance to prove himself to a woman; its what makes him feel like a man. Any man that cannot be bothered to prove himself to you (not in a toxic, self-absorbed way) or to move mountains to find you is not for you. Let me repeat that:

Women, on the other hand, have been conditioned to shrink and to falsely think that a man will leave because your needs are too much. So what do we do? We shrink and hide and manage and compromise, which surprisingly is the opposite of what a quality man wants – it bores him quickly.

2. You are “Easy”

When a man says a woman is “easy,” he doesn’t necessarily mean it to connote her sexuality. More often than not, he says you’re “easy” because he can sense that you are making yourself the low-hanging fruit for his easy reach. That, my darlings, is the equivalent of snipping off his balls.

What happens when you make yourself low-hanging fruit for a man? He might be happy to have something precious so easy, and that might make him stick around for a while. If he is a low-quality man, he may count himself lucky to have landed such a healthy discount, leading to him officially tying you down with a ring because he senses that the relationship won’t require a lot of investment from him. Nevertheless, best believe that sooner than later, that man is going to march off to find the next new challenge, whether it be a woman, a job, or some new conquest that takes him halfway across the world, and you will left feeling like furniture on the wall.

3. You make the relationship all about his acceptance of you

I said it before on TikTok and I will say it again: confidence is not walking into a room certain that they will like you; its walking into a room wondering if you like them.

Most men have big egos, and as a result, they often need something to distract then from themselves. In other words, a man needs to dote on a woman because it helps him be less self-centered. For men, self-centeredness comes naturally and they’re socialized in a way that emphasizes the fact.

When you make the relationship all about his acceptance of you, you’ve placed him (and his complimentary big, fat ego) on a pedestal, and when a man’s ego is running the show, it will run the relationship down the drain.

A man is excited about a woman that gives him a chance to discover her – it takes him on an adventure that enables him to step out of himself and he finds that incredibly exciting. When you make it all about pleasing him, you unconsciously make yourself his plaything (and we all know what happened to that little yellow monster truck we had when we were five years old).

You need to control the narrative and so he keeps control of you instead

1. You accept bare minimum and lower your standards in a bid to prove that you are not difficult, bratty, or high-maintenance.

Again, this is probably a consequence of women trying to make themselves lighter for the men in their lives to carry. My darling, if you are too much weight for him, then he simply does not have the muscles for you.

The funny thing is that men often leave women who try to lighten themselves for them, and then you are left feeling feeling like you cheated yourself and also let him cheat you.

1. You try too hard to prove yourself.

I’ve said this again and again: there’s a reason why its the male peacock that sports the beautiful feathers. In nature, the female species do not show off because they don’t need to prove anything.

Its the male penguin that finds the pebble, the male bird of paradise that does the dance, and the male eagle that hunts to prove he will make a good father and protector. Don’t try too hard to prove yourself, my love: its goes against nature.

NB: I’ll add a little note here because my last point may have given a few narcissistic women hard-ons. You are only worthy to sit on a throne when you have become a queen, so the part about the female species not needing to prove themselves does not apply to any woman who has failed to meet herself.

1. You’re gunning for the ring

Hear my words today: marriage is not the greatest evidence of love or the ultimate proof that you “won” the race. You can be a married side-chick.

I see too many women thinking that the ring is the ultimate end-goal, and this has

1. You have an “I can do bad all by myself” attitude

In other words, you don’t let him help you. Again, a man gets his identity and feeling of pride as a man by being helpful to his woman. You think you are showing him how different you are from the other women he’s been with; you think you’re proving what a strong and valuable partner you are, but in reality you are carrying out the equivalent of snipping his nutsack. He’ll either leave you to go find a woman that makes him feel like a man or get complacent and leave you to do everything.

You make it too easy for him

When a woman sits on her divinely-given throne and demands that the man make himself worthy of her, the man is pushed to grow and do better in every aspect of his life – mentally, emotionally (how he handles his emotions, temper, etc), financially, spiritually, physically, with his sexuality, everything! So not compromising on your standards as a woman actually helps the man become a better man for his own self! Who would’ve thought?

When you get up from the throne the divine has placed you on by trying to make yourself low-hanging fruit, you will most likely end up with a selfish, spoiled, and emotionally immature man, why? Because you never gave him the chance to develop himself into a quality man by genuinely pursuing you (and I say genuinely here because pretending to be a quality man in order to get you does not count, and that is why as a woman, I suggest that you be strongly rooted in your intuition so that you may possess the gift of discernment).

Overcompensating to make things easy for him doesn’t help him and it sure as hell doesn’t help you.

Note: at the end, people are drawn to humanity. You don’t have to be a rehearsed robot versio of yourself to keep up an appearace you think they will approve. People love humanity, love imperfection and how well you embrace the things that make you unique. So be messy, be happy, be child-like. That, in the end, is what will keep the spark in your relationship alive.